21 July, 2011

Where's Johnny Paycheck when you need him?

Today I had a moment at work - one of those moments when I wished, with every fiber of my being, that I could punch someone in the nose and get away with it.

I didn't want to go all Chuck Norris on him and drive a piece of his nose into his brain, killing him with one surgically placed punch. No, I just wanted to see him cry like a baby for a moment. It was completely stupid too, it wasn't that what he said was so awful, it just came at a bad moment, and the way he smirked at me while he had his say made all my sensors go directly to Alert! Alert! Punch the douchebag!

I entertained myself on the way home coming up with the snappy comebacks I never deliver at the moment of aggravation. It's probably a good thing I never think of anything to say, because if I ever spoke from my authentic self (snort) I could just pass Go without collecting $200 and go directly to Take This Job and Shove It.


  1. Ned and Ian watched a Chuck Norris informercial and have been working on their six-packs. Ned keeps asking if he looks tougher. I could send him to work with you. You could say, "this crazy kid came out of nowhere, I had nothing to do with it!"

  2. When people act like douchebags, I like to picture smashing their faces with big, cream pies.
    My dad says the good thing about assholes is they usually let us know they are assholes right away by being bossy, impatient or loud. Maybe we should thank them and say, "Thank you for letting me know you're an asshole. Now, I don't have to worry if you like me when I hit you with this big cream pie."