19 July, 2011

Ordinarily I don't let strangers feel me up, but there are exceptions to every rule

Things that I would rather do than get a mammogram:
Have a pedicure.
Take a nap.
Drink a beer.
Go to the dentist. I LOVE going to the dentist. Srsly.

Why I went and got a mammogram anyway:
Because I love myself and want to stay healthy.
Because if I am not healthy in regards to my own personal mammaries, I want to know!

Today I had my mammograms, and once that was over, just to keep the medical fun going I stopped off at my local Quest Diagnostic and had blood drawn for a hormone level test. If you have your boobies smashed very thin and a needle in your arm before 9am, it’s hopeful nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
The mammogram is somewhat surreal. There you are, naked from the waist up, in a room full of involved looking machinery - like part of the sick bay of the starship Enterprise. Then a nice little lady (and she was little, maybe 5 feet tall and as thin as a little bird) positions you in front of the Boobie-Scantron and starts manhandling your breasts, really pushing and pulling on them. And then the machine S-Q-U-E-E-Z-E-S. There’s no other word for it but strange. I hope the results are all good.

I’d like to remind all my friends to get their regular scans for breast cancer. Do the self exams and schedule your mammogram. It ain’t fun, but if it finds a cancer early, it’s so worth it.


  1. Is it any consolation if I tell you that people with really small breasts have it even worse because the boobs have to literally be pulled to the appropriate length?