04 March, 2011

I told you he was naughty!

Fair Warning: If you aren’t a dog person, look away now. I am giving you a chance to save yourself from a sad story that will probably just disgust you. If you don’t love animals and you think that dealing with a lot of, let’s call it bodily effluent is gross, this is not the post for you. Move along, nothing to see here.

Thomas and I take turns getting up at the buttcrack of dawn to let the dogs out to pee, then we feed them and put them back out to finish eliminating, and I think you know what I mean. This morning was my turn, so I got up and started mixing up the food. We are feeding kibble right now, mixed with some pumpkin and vitamin powder. I got it mixed up and put Dru’s dish down, and just as I was heading back to the bedroom to lift Jake down from the bed (he can’t jump down by himself real well anymore, he’s getting frail) I hear Thomas scream, “Shoot! Aaaaagh! Fuuuuuuuuss!” Except he didn’t say “shoot” or “fuss” and again, I think you know exactly what he did say. And this wasn’t an “Oh darn it,” kind of scream, this was a primal scream you really don’t want to hear at 6:05 in the morning.

The scream was due to the fact that Jake, my little Fat Baby, was peeing on the bed, and the first Thomas knew about it was when the pee splashed on his elbow. If you know Thomas, you know that overall, he’s a remarkably calm, self-possessed person. Being woken, not just by a pissing dog, but also by the dog pissing ON him, was enough to make him a furious, aggravated, non-dog-loving person.

So I came running, snatched Jake off the bed, and ran him outside, probably saving him from death by beating. By the time I returned, Thomas was stripping the covers off the bed. We removed all the bedding, including the mattress cover. I had a “Go Me!” moment when I realized that the expensive anti-dustmite mattress cover I purchased was so thick that it prevented any urine from soaking through to the mattress. So Jake gets points for the sheets and mattress cover, but NO points for the mattress.

While I was stuffing our pee-soaked bedding into the washer, Thomas was sterilizing his elbow. Then he went upstairs and fired up his computer to do some work. He was way too agitated to get back to sleep, not that he could use the bed, because, you know, NO BEDDING. Eventually he drowsed off to sleep in his La-Z-Boy. I don’ t know if he’ll ever really forgive Jake. We can’t sleep if we don’t let him on the bed because he paces around the bed for HOURS if we don’t let him on. I’m really not sure what to do. I want us all to sleep comfortably and I don’t ever want a repeat of this morning. My nerves cain’t take it!

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