It's NOT a blue Christmas. I am not feeling sad, depressed, lonely, isolated, or melancholy. What I am not feeling is much of the effervescent, bubbly excitement I usually have at this time of year. I have not put out one decoration, bought one present, or played one Christmas cd. I feel sort of stunned that we are halfway through Advent, and I feel...nothing.
It could be, perhaps, that my shoes are too tight.
It could be my head isn't screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that my heart is two sizes too small.
Perhaps I AM a Grinch? No, I don't resent the pleasure others are taking in their holiday preparations and celebrations. In fact, I wish I could join them. I have decided that I am going to try to jump start my holiday spirit. I'm going to try:
Putting on a Christmas cd (Mary Chapin Carpenter has a beautiful one that I love.)
Digging out at least the wreath for the front door and hanging it up.
Hanging our stockings by the chimney, with care, and
Listening to my tape of Dylan Thomas reading A Child's Christmas in Wales sometime this week
Reading The Worst Christmas Pageant Ever, perhaps aloud to Thomas. We both like that story a lot.
Perhaps later I will be able to report that I am feeling a bit more holly jolly, going on the premise that sometime you need to do before you feel. I've heard that smiling a real smile can make you feel happier. Maybe getting ready for Jesus in my home will make my heart feel a bit more welcoming for him.