11 August, 2011

I didn't want to see the movie in the first place

Last Friday, when I arrived in SC, by the time we got back to the ancestral home, I was exhausted. I got up at 3:50 that morning to make my flight, and then waited a long, long, l-o-n-g time at LaGuardia while they fixed the plane and then changed the plane and dug up a new crew for the new plane. Tired doesn't even begin to cover it.

And then my parents insisted we go to the movies. And I mean insisted. I clearly stated that I was tired and didn't want to see a movie. I had double reasons not to want to go see the movie they chose. Firstly, I was tired (see 1st paragraph) and secondly, I knew that Change-Up was not a movie I would feel comfortable seeing with my parents. But nothing would satisfy them other than me hauling myself into the car and going to the movies with them. My father told me, "This is what we do on Friday."

It was just as bad as I thought it would be. Things that I would have found amusing with other companions were just horrifying when I was sitting beside my parents. The language was filthy, if they said "fucking" once, they said it a hundred times. One character told another, "Come sit on my face while I say the alphabet."

Read no farther if you don't want to read spoilers. Change-Up features the always appealing Jason Bateman and hunka-hunka-burning-hotness Ryan Reynolds. It's your basic Freaky Friday, waking up in your best friend's body and having to live his life flick.

It features:

Ryan Reynolds' humping, doggie style, a truly terrifying aged actress while the director of the light porn (lorn) movie screams at him to "stick your thumb up her ass". The porn star had boobs bigger than a couple of soccer balls attached to her chest and the worst face lift ever.

Poop shooting out of baby butts and splashing Jason Bateman across across the face, in the mouth, etc. - and that scene happens a couple of times.

A scene where the boring dad in the hot stoner's body masturbates while watching porn.

A menacing pregnant woman who drops by to have sex with Reynolds, apparently on her way to the hospital to deliver.

Two separate scenes of people sitting on the toilet, simulating having a bowel movement, complete with disgusting sound effects.

It was truly awful. When the movie was over, I didn't want to look my parents in the face I was so embarrassed. We all just hopped back in the car and drove home chatting about everything in the world EXCEPT the movie. The rest of the weekend, we pretended that unfortunate 2 hours never happened.

I am never going to the movies with them again, unless I pick the film.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know how I can laugh and cringe at the same time, but that is one of the funniest stories I have ever read. I will continue to be horrified by your lorn experience for the rest of the day.