05 December, 2013

In which The Author is not Happy at all

There are things going on. A lot of it is just background noise, but some of it is big, important stuff.

My friend Toni's cancer is spreading and growing. Fucking cancer - just one more piece of evidence, as if I needed it, that life is not fair.

I met Toni the year I joined BHQG, which was about 10 years ago. She was pregnant with the baby that was Ned, her youngest. She was tall and beautiful and had the most gorgeous long, blonde hair. She was like a Breck girl: wholesome and outdoorsy. She is still tall, blonde, and beautiful, but the hair is shorter and you can see some of what she's been through in the last seven years. She's one of the funniest, nicest, most down-to-earth people I know.

We like the same kind of books (except for those ones about Phury and Rhage - Toni, those are just ridonkulous!) and movies and tv. She has a great sense of humor and keen sense of the ridiculous. She likes Diet Coke, McDonald's french fries, the Game of Thrones books, pedicures, Labrador Retrievers, and sparkly things. She adores her kids, who admittedly are all characters in their own rights, and has dozens of hilarious stories about them. Toni is my age and has a lot to do with her life. Instead of making those plans, she's thinking about hospice, and doing and saying the things that need to be done and said.

And I hate it. It's not right or fair, or good. What it is, is how things are. And in this case, it sucks.


  1. It's very hard. But we believe that what comes after is better and through all the anger and rhage (yes, I went there), we have to cling to that. Otherwise, how does anything make sense? If I could swoop this burden off your shoulders I would, but all I can do is cry a little for you. Much, much love.

  2. Oh yes, you did go there, didn't you? My phury knows no bounds...

    My burden is small compared to hers, and her kids, and her sister's. But watching someone you love face this so bravely...it's humbling and infuriating at the same time. Infuriating because of the whole "not fair" thing. My mother did me NO favors when she spent my childhood teaching me things should always be fair.

  3. You are ratting out my trash reading. Fucking Georger RR Martin didn't finish his series in time for me to know what happens.

    Our friendship has been very important to me!

    1. Yes, I am ratting you out on the trashy reading...you'll have to get Revhenge! Hahahaha...those books are sources of endless hilarity to me.
      George R.R. Martin is too busy opening his new movie theater and enjoying his books being on the teevee to actually write the rest of the series, the pratt.