I feel somewhat like Mr. Grinch tonight. My heart's an empty hole.
I have GOT to stop listening to the news. But being on a news diet doesn't mean that awful things aren't happening, just that I don't know about them. Is willful ignorance really the way go to here?
Early this year, a friend's beautiful 48 year old wife killed herself in their home. He found her body hours later. His whole life was shattered at that moment. I think about her a lot. And him. At the time that she committed suicide, she was in a major depression. She fully believed that things would never get better, and that her husband and child would be better off without her. So she took a step that made sure that nothing would ever get better for her. It was, bitterly, a permanent solution for a temporary problem.
The way I feel today is pretty awful, but I know that some other day, maybe a day soon (I hope) I will not be filled with such feelings of pessimism and doom. Maybe my heart will grow three sizes and I'll be able to remember all the things about the world that are good and hopeful.
Here are some things that are good about my life, that I can appreciate right now:
- Thomas fixed me dinner and had it ready when I got home from work. A hot dinner is a comforting thing.
- I have a little dog on my lap, keeping me warm.
- I have plenty to read in the house.
- We have a roof over our heads, food in the freezer, and money in the bank. There are people in the world for whom that is an impossible dream.
- Tomorrow I am going to a concert with Thomas and friends to hear the talented John Gorka. Music is also a comforting thing.
- I will bake cookies and make cheese olives and sausage balls this weekend, so I have things to take to the holiday parties that are happening this month.
If anyone out there reads this, what are you thankful for?